Many years after my initial blog entry I am still living in my liminal space, going through transitions but doing it in a much less martyred/dramatic way. I have been actively practicing the art of staying in my discomfort and victories. Pema Chodron teaches that staying present in what shows up in our daily lives is how we move along on our personal journey. It is one of the most difficult life skills to practice because it infers change is a constant in all of our lives. But learning how to quiet diversions, addictions and noise  remaining connected to what challenges us the most will give us the information we need to grow and take our next best step forward into our lives. I am living fully present for the first time.

A few years ago, during what I hoped was going to be the last marital therapist before a decision to divorce was made, I was asked by the therapist how much did I want to be there committed to this 4th attempt at counselling to save my marriage. My response was. “the huge desire I feel to run as far away as possible from here is why I know I have to stay. If I do not want to repeat behaviors that brought me, us, to this place I have to face all of our story. That way if I chose to stay or leave I will be doing it as a healthier and stronger person.”

It was time for me to walk the walk and to live with integrity and do the least amount of harm to myself or others. When I began this blog  I was discovering that the world did not revolve around me. That although my life story was important it was no more or less important than my neighbor, a passenger in the car next to me or the customer buying food in front of me.I found my place in this world, along side all the other souls trying to do the best they could with who they were.

Sharing lessons learned, support given, and the bounty of quotes and pictures reminding me that beauty and balance exists may let you know you are not alone. To always remember thou mayest.

There is always a choice that can be made, even if it is not to choose for the moment. to remain still, to stay.

Let the games begin.

After many  years of hard work and preparation I am leaping off the cliff.

No more meditations, song lyrics, quotes, coaching, meetings, hiding under the covers and in plain sight, looking outside for an answer, a sign, a voice.  Enough waiting for the right moment, blaming anyone or everyone, being a victim or a martyr, handing over power or choosing apathy. I have run out of excuses. 

Terror balanced with Faith. It’s time.

Recently I  have experienced a ramped up timeline of transitions and challenges. Some moments stunning others painful and bittersweet. Just like you, I was swept up in responding, reacting and shrinking my world to manage and prepare as much as I could  for the inevitable aftershocks and tactonic shifts.

But while witnessing others in my life undergoing so much change I found myself writing a letter to one close friend in particular.  I was reminded of the courage it takes to step away from our comfort zones to allow the possibility that change, though deeply uncomfortable, is what leads us to to the best version of ourselves.

Sharing this passage is what  led me back to this blog:

….” Stepping into liminal time will be an amazing experience. As weird as it feels, it is very wise to pause until you know what your best next step will be. Then you can do what really feels right and good for you. Ultimately whatever direction you choose will benefit  all those you care about, and, even those you don’t know who will get to experience your ideas, words, creativity and intellect.  You have unlimited possibility inside.  As you stay curious approaching those possibilities this time can feel unnerving. But believe me, when you are ready, when the time feels right, the results of taking that next step into this phase of your life will be breathtaking.

I just want to lend my support to living your life big while you continue to offer others you love opportunities to live to their fullest potential.”

I am not sure where the time went since my last post but i am about to start the year of 55 and l am ready to embrace all the changes coming my way.  Last weekend was the Bonnie Raitt concert and although i didn’t get to try out for back-round singer i did remember why when I was 17 I loved her so much.

After spending some time outside looking at the night sky I figured out what this Super moon means to me. It serves as a reminder that I, we, all need to show up big in this world. If we can celebrate the moment the moon fills the galaxy more tonight than at any other time of the year, so should we celebrate the potential of our lives and the lives of all we care for.  

To quote from the movie Contact..”Do you think there are people on other planets?  I don’t know. But I’d say if it is just us..seems like an awful waste of space.”

For those of you who keep track of the moon cycle for the sheer beauty, or those who feel the moon energy, I wanted to let you know that this Saturday there will be a Super Moon. It is the largest moon of the year. So if you have a moment pause, look up and take in the spectacle of the evening sky. Enjoy!

Living in liminal time can be as quick as the blink of an eye or a long expedition. However it turns out I am going on the ride. Join me.

In a few weeks I will be turning 55. Circumstances have propelled me to think about how I want to move into this new phase of my life with curiosity instead of anxiety. I have decided to make this a year long celebration with a monthly activity. May kicks off by seeing Bonnie Raitt in concert in Chicago. June will be a trip east to NY then Philly. The rest waits patiently in my imagination and serendipity.